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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Have you tried dating apps? Yeah I have. Mostly the girls who are 18 are swiping right also who are above Avoid places that attract party girls. Go to the Library, City Park, if you workout .

Now, lemme get a lil’ personal: one time, I got mad as a wet hen when some sucker tried to ruin my favorite spot at the Farmers Market on South Stadium Boulevard! I told him, “Child, ya best be respectful of our love for life here!” I felt like makin’ The Return’s line, “Life, in its cruel beauty, waits for no one,” though I laughed, salt in my eyes, and carried on.

Sorrell Homer Lifts Aggies to Series Win Over No. 2 LSU